flying/monkeys/will/take/over/the/world

Monkeys Can Fly, But I Can Type

2010-07-23T15:14:00.000-07:00

So, I have returned, er...again. More permenantly this time though. Blog up On Motormouth...

hmmm, why is it that no matter how many times you move, you always end up with terrible neighbours. By 'you' I mean 'I'. I might find some way of living underground, like in a converted bunker...that would be cool. Yeah.

Dan
xxxx

speedingspeedingspeedingspeeding

2010-04-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

Perhaps slightly slower but if so not by much. Meds got a bit shifty for a few days. Not sleeping. Cyber stalking. Obsessssssing. Not sleeping because I'm keeping myself awake obsessing. And talking to myself. Normally this would be a bad sign. Good thing I'm not normal. I will grind to a halt but until then I'm speedingspeedingspeedingspeeding.

I blow dirty ass

2010-01-17T21:50:00.000-08:00

Figuratively speaking, sicko. I have got to be one of the absolute worst people anyone could have as a friend. Unless I have a decent grasp on how to open up at that time. Otherwise I might as well just reside in a far off cave, come into town semi-annually for supplies and communicate by thumping a big stick.

Man. I just suck. Is it any reason that I cannot hold ANY sort of relationship for all of my pushing people away or my intense apathy?! Yeah, go figure that one out... intense apathy. Bit of an oxymoron, eh?

Damn, that would be a great name for a band. (Add my apparent inability to follow what is being said, even when I'm the one saying it...)

What makes people...

2009-02-07T15:54:00.000-08:00

...such imbeciles? Fighting outside a pub for what seems to be no reason other than it's what their primal urges seem to be telling them to do. We seem to have over-evolved in some cases. Some people no longer do things for a reason, they just do it because they can, they want to, it's cool. It doesn't matter if you're being a complete idiot and making a spectacle of yourself, as long as you are doing what you want, no matter how stupid, eveything is ok. Manners, respect, as a race, a large number of us seem beyond that. Idiotically self serving morons, that in many cases, in my opinion, should be shot so as to give the rest of us an easier, better life.

What this world needs is a Zombie apocalypse so we can all start again.

the waiting game

2009-02-05T15:55:00.000-08:00

What an interesting life this is, oh weary heart of mine
a strange place to be, changing all the time
would justice be served better, if it was served at all
if there was only order, chaos would surely ensue

my brittle little world, full of distant beauty
so much to look forward to, no idea when that'll be
So much fun had, so little to show for it
oh I could end it all, but I know it could improve

so much comes down to so little, so many to so few
i've wasted so much, I own too much
but mostly I long for that love, that elusive happiness
for all this material keeps me, but can't satisfy my heart

so many 'friends', so few enemies
I mean so little to most people, lost in the crowd
too complicated to be simple, can't make conversation
I know so much about so little that means much to anyone

on reflection it's not so bad, the few make up for the absence of many
but I can't see past my waste of opportunity, who knows what I could be
No chance to shine, too afraid to fall, not at all social
aim for a niche market, there is always a chance of failure.

another lost son returns.

2008-11-17T05:52:00.000-08:00

Behold, the artist formerly known as the prisoner returns, my old email is broken so i had to start a whole new profile, which may i say was a pain in the arse.

for now i will share a link with you all of my newfavorite film, i can't wait for the DVD

http://http://black20.com/black20-trailer-park/tetris-movie

much love. X

Ta-dah!

2008-10-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, sorted out the new logos, what does everyone think?

My blood boils

2008-10-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

Well since I have returned to bloggerland full time(in theory) I should give this place a kick up the jacksie, maybe spruce her up a bit, new logo...actually thats about all I can be bothered to do/am able to do (what little I knew about html before has almost all been forgotten)

Moving on, does anyone else(I think I know the answer to this one) find that sometimes(read:a fair bit of the time) think that the public, those that shop in places like, oh lets say an entertainment store like I work in can be arrogant, self serving, ignorant, selfish fucks? Well I do find this, and today a customer came in, and asked about an order she had placed on our online store...that has nothing to do with us. whatsoever. we are a small store, part of a much larger company. The website has its own customer service, and people that can help with problems. We cannot help, because at no stage do we even remotely have anything to do with it. Same company, but not everyone in the company is responsible for everything else. That is why there is a customer services number. We are just there to do our jobs, and we shouldn't expect a rude, ignorant idiot like this to come in and refuse to leave until someone has sorted out her problem. We are people too, same as you, we have feelings, and you can be damn sure you wouldn't like it if it was you on the recieving end. Sure, it should be sorted out, but when we tell you, politely, that it is nothing to do with us, and that you need to call customer services because it isn't even slightly to do with us, and we can do nothing about it, then you should do just that, not demand that we help you. In the end we basically had to call customer services for her. Not our job, and they asked to speak to her in the end anyway, because of course, it should have been her calling in the first place. Angry!
Now I don't hate all customers, some are very nice, and a lot of them are polite, and I help them, when I can of course, and if I can't I suggest an alternative if there is one. I have had many customers say how good our service was, and even had one write in once to say how good my service was. I do my job well, i'm not just hating her for making me do something that I wouldn't usually do. In fact, she drove to the store I think, and that would have cost her more money I imagine, than the cost of the phonecall would have, all because she just wanted to blame someone in person, whether it had anything to do with them or not.
Ok, rant over.

Dan
xxxx

Avoiding the other blog for a bit yet so these peculiar little observances of mine will be noted here. Lucky you.

2008-03-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever realized the truth in the idea that people are drawn closer to you the further you pull away?

Case in point: There's a guy I used to know; still do. We liked each other - nothing was done about it. So life changes and I move. Eventually he gets a girlfriend. At first, I didn't like the idea (selfishly) but now, I don't care much one way or the other. So lately, between horrid winter storms having all types of communication down, my odd/changing work schedule, laziness, and let us not forget my deflated yet caustic state of mind, I haven't spoken to him as much as I normally do. Do you know the son of a bitch has called me three times in the past week?! Three. Three minute messages on my voice mail harassing me, although humorously, for not returning his calls.

If just find it strange that I'm now 'all that', you know? Seriously though, in spite of being a die hard Republican, he's a wonderful friend. I've just noticed that the less effort I make, the more he takes to talk with me.

Just something I noticed and had to comment on. Humans are weird, no?

Perhaps a new catch phrase is in order?

2008-03-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

Over the past few years I've taken to stating that I'm going to 'stab someone's eye out' or 'stab them in the eye' when I get really irritated about something ridiculously stupid they've done.

Ok, first...ew. I really don't want someone's eyeball gumming up the end of my pen, should that be the chosen weapon. Second, my cousin did have her eye stabbed out with a stick and now has a lovely glass eye. That makes me feel doubly careless in tossing out these ill-chosen words.

Guess my lack of patience and cup-o-violent tendencies overfloweth. And if you don't like that, well, I'm sure you can figure out what comes next...

Politicians

2007-04-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

I hate them!

Hate them all!!!

Bastards!!!!!

(sometimes you just have to say how you feel in the hope of spurring your writing muse onwards. Even if it's not very... ehm... elaborate)

*grins*

S.

Ok, ok whats going on here? nothing? exactly!

2007-03-22T04:50:00.000-07:00

Right, well there has been a bit of a lack of activity here over the last...well quite a long time, so i'm going to get the ball rolling again, I will have the internet properly soon, so I can start blogging fully again, but until then, I shall leave you with a classic train of thought, don't know whats coming next blog. Hold on.

Ok, where have I been? that would take longer to explain than I have time for now, but I will explain all on my own blog in due course:soon.
But to cut a long story short, I have moved house, workplace and job title. I now work somewhere with no access to the net, and thus blogging or anything of a webby nature is difficult. So the answer is thus, I must get the internet at home. To do this I was going to go through sky. To get the internet from sky you need to first get sky tv, which is the hard part. This is done. Now I just need to call sky up and arrange the internet to be installed, however they do that, which takes anything up to 2 weeks. So within the next month(i promise, service will(belatedly) be resumed.

So.

Ranting is an art form, one which will never go out of style, because the source material will never dry up.
We will never get tired of being angry, because it is a part of us, and a vital part. Without anger there is no will to challenge, to change, to improve. You may not do it yourself, or maybe you will, but whatever, if we were all happy with everything there would be no need to change.
Imagine that. A world where everything stayed the same. There was no progress. That would be pretty boring wouldn't it?
But it won't happed. Why? Because there will always be politicians and we will always be mad at them. They make decisions we would not, they raise taxes, and then with the taxes they do things such as putting new schemes into place that won't work. They buy things that never seem to work, and then they forget to build enough jails to house all the criminals. Most of which were arrested for drug use, or for things which don't really affect you and me. Maybe they are better off in there. But maybe that space would be better taken up with paedophiles, who roam free, ofter offending again. If they are in jail, they are in special units so they don't get beaten up by other inmates. There is a reason the other inmates want to kill them. It doesn't matter how many drugs you have ingested, making the lives of innocent children a misery, leaving them living a life always overshadowed by the incident. That is much, much worse, and I say let them get roughed up a bit. Maybe it will be more of a detterrent than a nice holiday, because that is what jail is for those who have commited the biggest sins. Killers, rapists and the like, are treated like royalty. They get tv, games consoles, better food than most of us. They live a better life inside than some of them did outside. Maybe homeless people should take note. Kill someone, it'll solve all your problems. But if you are going to, do us all a favour, kill a paedophile.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, that was a rant off the top of my head. This is some nonsense

I was walking into a tree today, when I was distracted by a cock. It came along, and started to talk to me. It was the oddest bird I had ever seen. It also had the best mullet ever, and was pleased when I told it so. It also told me about how it was against the church. Why would a cock be against the church you say? Well the church stands for god, and god gave him a name that provokes ridicule. His friends laugh at him, his enemies laugh at him, and humans think his name is so stupid they shoot him in the face and eat him for lunch. Not him of course, he is still alive, but all the other cocks. It is something that some people don't understand. No matter how far the human race evolves, man has always loved a bit of cock

That was odd, to say the least but it came with an important moral...which I shall leave you to work out for yourself, but whatever, I am not gay.

But enough of this. My time is up for now, I shall bid you farewell

Until the next time

DTM

Hang on...

2005-12-23T22:59:00.000-08:00

Too much going on and my mind isn't keeping up. Well, in ways it isn't, in other ways it's spinning out of control. Perhaps just another mixed episode. That or I'm just really fucked. I am still of sound enough mind to hope that it's a mixed episode. Either way, there's just alot going on.

If you are into it, I'll wish you a happy holiday, if not, just don't chew me out. I'll either cry or try to kill you... maybe even both. I'm not really into it but it doesn't mean I can't send it out to you guys.

Go here, click on 'Launch Music Player' and listen to the first song in the audio portion... I am so stuck on that song. You may know it, but hey, no harm done. Besides, it's smart to be nice to the crazy girl.

TWO-OH!

2005-11-13T13:44:00.000-08:00

the prisoner has exciting news

Its my birthday tomorrow!

the scariest part about that is i'll be twenty, officially i'll have survied my teenage years without incident (good/bad or otherwise...bugger). I don't want ot be twenty!! it's a scary bloody number, and it means more of all that adult bullshit, i've got all my life to put up with that, can't i just have another decade or two? just five more years, then i'll get up.

still, any excuse to get plastered. Jack n coke's AWAY!

Have you ever wondered...

2005-10-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

...just how far you have to go to completely spell things out for some people?!

Sometimes I start off giving them an iota of credit for possibly having a brain - no clue. Then I start in with subtlety - no clue. When I start dropping pretty direct hints, it makes for an ever-so-slight turn of this head; kind of like the quizzical look a dog might give you just way less cute. Next stop - I completely lay it all out. And what do I get? Come on, you can at least guess... that's right... abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Nothing. Not one damned thing. So I give people a little time to stick their head in the sand and digest what I've said. Cool - I'm impatient but I know everyone has different rates at which they respond...

So here's what I'm thinking... just a little more time and then out comes the heavy artillery. Know this now, I will level your ass before you even realize that I've opened my mouth. My words will no doubt leave you shuddering alone in the corner, whimpering, wetting your pants and mumbling something about your mother and cookies for a bake sale and how you never really meant to kick the dog that one day. And I will stand there, above you, feeling bad for what could have been but only looking down on what never should have been.

Just when you think I've cleared my head enough to speak with sense or kindness you'll learn that the momentary silence was due to my subconscious summoning all the things you've ever told me. Things that will now have their essence brutally wrung from them, twisted, sharpened into deadly arrows, and placed in the bows that are my lips... You will be wounded. I do not try to do this, it just happens. I take no pride in it; it just is.

It's very easily prevented, though... just fucking talk to me; no more avoidance. That is all I've ever asked yet it always seems to be too much.
(This is just some general feelings, not a dedication...no one need wonder.)

I think I'm scared now..

2005-10-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Mooching through blogger as you do I came across Crusher's blog...

I'm not sure whether to laugh or pee my pants...

Goodnight From Him

2005-10-04T03:08:00.000-07:00

Link

What a damn bloody shame, though i did think he looked pretty ill when they did the two ronnies earlier this year.

Under NO circumstances...

2005-10-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

...should I be left to my own devices.

Disclaimer: If you don't want to hear me bitch for about a minute and a half, don't read.

I was fine up until about 20 minutes ago. I mean, I'm sick, worked three hours over and am tired as all hell. Not to mention that it feels like someone did CPR chest compressions on me while I wasn't paying attention. Aside from that, I was doing alright...

So I drift off a bit and all of a sudden. SLAM! People suck. Give me a good three minutes with myself and I'll come up with 20 different reasons why every person, task, scenario, situation, etc., I know completely and utterly sucks. I was in a room here, by myself... what happened? It's the slightest things, I tell you. Things that aren't really even 'things'; not deserving of such a reaction.

Oh well, fuck it. Most likely I'll be fine by tomorrow. Still sick and all, but this crappy-ass Insta-Gloom that just descended should be gone. (Deep breath...Cough*sputter*coughcoughcough... Ok, not a good idea.)

And I met a very sweet guy on rounds in the psych ward today. He wanted me to shave his head. Ok, the point that he can look at me and NOT identify 'LiVEwiRe with a blade' as a threat is diagnosis enough for whatever his current visit happens to be. He gave me a hug and told me he'd see me tomorrow; damn he was happy. Honestly, I do hope I see him tomorrow - he was such a friendly man.

Damnit! Now this warm fuzzy (albeit slightly psychotic) feeling is battling with the previous Insta-Gloom session. GAH!

Christ - will someone up my lithium dose again?! I'll be ok soon. Really. Just tell me where the little blue pills are.

Not so religious penguins...

2005-09-22T05:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently evangelists / christians in the US have adopted the winged
stars of 'March of the Penguins' as their latest example of selfless
heroes. This little article dispels the myth....

Penguins muddy the morality war

(from last Sunday's Times newspaper)

2005-09-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just mailed me this pic of a wall in Ireland that she saw during a recent trip...pretty accurate imho!

Giant Squids, by god!

2005-09-10T02:05:00.000-07:00

This ugly critter was in today's Guardian, prompting outrage from my husband who states it can't be real as nothing has eyeballs that big....! (N.B. apologies for the scanning quality)

I So Am...

2005-09-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

You scored as Rock and Roll RockStar. You a Rock and Roll Rock Star! You like to play classic guitars and listen to classic music. You like Van Halen, Led Zepplin and The Who.

Rock and Roll RockStar

70%

Metal Rockstar

50%

Punk Rockstar

50%

Goth Rockstar

30%

Emo Rockstar

20%

What kind of Rockstar are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

They're suffocating me!!!

2005-09-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

I need to vent for two seconds here. Hopefully the Reverend will forgive me my language...

In my corner of the world it is now almost impossible to purchase Sudafed. That's right - Sudafed, the stuff you get at the pharmacy and use it as a decongestant. Why? I'll tell you...

If you take huge quantities of pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) and boil it down or distill it, you have the main ingredient in methamphetamines. So all these damn Meth-Heads are preventing me from fucking breathing!

IF you can find a store to carry it, it is locked away and you need special permission to acquire it. If you buy more than the allotted quantity (2-4 boxes [1 box lasts 5 days if taken as directed]), you have to provide ID! After all that, the price is jacked up!

This hassle is all because of these hyped up little junkies and this is ridiculous. All I want to do is breathe, dammit - and all this makes ME feel like the bad guy.

I mean come on, can't they just latch on to an eight ball of cocaine* like everyone else? Geez.

* I'm not advocating any particular drug use. I just want them to lay off my simple little decongestants. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. I'm getting cranky from lack of oxygen.

Reverend Saturnyne

2005-08-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

That would be The Reverend Saturnyne of The Church of the Holy Pumpkin.

...to use my new FULL and oyes- official title...

And whaddya know- but you too can become something Holy, in your own special way.

Just like me!

Just go here: Luv-me-sum-God-bollocks-stuff!

Now i want three "Hail Pumpy's" and chocolate coin donations on yer way out. Thankee!

What? You still here? Scoot!

S.x

Monkeys! Flying!

2005-07-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

We have landed(In shit)

2005-07-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

So what is today?
The day after yesterday? The day before tomorrow?
It is both of these and more...It is the day 2 days after the day before yesterday...
think about it.

Well enough of shit(for that is what I have had)
and on with the post proper...enter intelligence(possibly through the back door so that nobody sees it) Why are there so many stupid people? Is it some sort of disease?
If so then it is the most deadly disease known to man(although the common man knows little about everything, and nothing about most things).
Why am I saying this today? Because I feel like it. It is also true. But a sausage is true as well so I could have talked about that, or any other truth. So why idiocy, stupidity, ignoramity? Why not!

I am, in other news, very pleased with how this blog is going in general, especially as I only started it to spew out random shit that had very little place anywhere else. I didn't even have the intention of making it a group blog(that idea was a good one though)
What I am trying to say is thank you one and all for your input, and long may it continue!

Heh Heh...

2005-07-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Some people are like Slinkies.....
Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Damned In Any Language(A Plague On Words)

2005-07-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought it was about time I did something on here, seeing as I did start it. Well I, as you might know by now, never have any idea what to write, and write the first thing that comes into my head...blowing the crap out of everything!
I don't knoe if any of you know of a game called mercenaries, but that is what it says on the back...blow the crap out of everything!
This is obviously a very American type of game, as 'If it moves shoot it...if it doesn't, blow it up! That's the American way!' is basically this game in a nutshell. Albeit in a grenade shaped nutshell, blowing the crap out of where it lands, presumably. But anyway, it is fun, but I was watching a programme about the best fighter planes ever recently, and it was American, but one guy(American) that was talking about one of the planes was saying how much fun it was to cruise around at speed, do loops, rolls, shoot and bomb stuff. Hang on, he finds it fun? To bomb people? Well that is a bit, well it makes him a nutter, with bombs basically. No wonder there were so many friendly fire incidents in Iraq, if all of the people in the planes were having so much fun. They just couldn't get enough of that bombing, and just blew everything up!
Well that made the military look good, but I'm not really surprised much unfortunately.

In the wake of adversity...

2005-07-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

... The Saturnyne thinks about jeans and the possibility that he's eaten too many cakes.

Other peoples i leave to comment about the hideous events of recent days...

My own nightmare is that i have had to buy new jeans. New Jeansss!!! New ones! For practically overnight, i find my lithesome size 30" waist has exploded out by an extra 2... possibly even 3 inches!

The horror! Oh the horror!

How did this happen? Was it my penchant for yummy chocolate eclairs and varieties of equally yummy savoury snackies? Or perhaps that i've been sat on my arse all day for several days, playing computer games? And talking to lovely peoples on Yahoo and MSN...

Can i possibly pin the blame on someone else? (preferably, yeah.)

S.

Neighbours from Hell, or specifically Byker Grove.

2005-07-10T05:14:00.000-07:00

Just been catching up on the posts here, and chortled at the neighbours one. Did comment, but thought I'd elaborate (and bore the tits of ye all!).

Two years ago we bought a sweet little house in a sweet little terraced street in a shabbily genteel seaside village. Oh domestic bliss! Oh felicitous harmony! It lasted two weeks (during which point Swamp Donkey and Cave Troll must have been away). I spotted from our bedroom window the arrival of a large shed, positioned where we had a lovely view. And what did the fuckers put in this shed??? Drums, that's what. Right by the bedroom window.

Being thespians (she a bit part actress, he a drummer in a folk band), they have nocturnal hours, which is fine. By the feckers are also deaf, and spend their nights hurling abuse at one another, which, whilst funny in that the aruguments are usually over something mundane like Eric's missing jumper, they generally evolved into language fests that went on. And on.

And then the four day parties started - good effort for people in their fifties who look like animated corpses in the daylight. OK on a weekend, not so good on a Monday night when they give you two hours sleep before work, and then THEY get to go to bed. The parties involved loud people sat under our bedroom window all night talking about how utterly fabulous they are (more bloomin' thespians...) and smashing bottles off the walls until 6am. We have an excellent music system however, that pumped the likes of Marilyn Manson back at them (and erm, Meatloaf complete with my yodelling at them) all day long. Petty, but satisfying. Oh, we also left a dead armadillo in their uncut grass and planted lotsa hemp in there for them...and reported them to the council as nuisance neighbours because they refused to answer the door when we knocked to complain (they said we were threatening and scary. Oh boo hoo you fat ugly untalented bitch).

Anyway, end of rant. If you want to see the fat ugly old troll you can find her here...n.b. her role in The League of Gentlemen series 3 was as Fat Lady hatpins, who gets suffocated in the episode in the B&B where they have the sex party....oh how we laughed! She says two words! She also died in Holby City with what we like to think of as her 'poo face' being her death mask.

Needless to say we moved, though our dispute knocked £10k off the value of our house (and the constant drumming didn't help either). The people who bought the house were musicians, so no doubt they're all happy together.....

ono!

2005-07-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

Don't be worrying about me (if possible)

But do send a message of love and affection to our lovely co-conspirator Leash, who is a fabulous personnage from the other side of the world and deserves immense huggage.

You ok, darlin'? I've been reading yr Myspace blog... tried to leave a comment, thinking it was that MSN My Space thing... took me ages to realize they were two different entities entirely. Er... oops.

Come in outta the rain, and let me make you a mug of something warm... anything alcoholic you might want to add to it is entirely of your own choosing, though.

(But having said that, i do have a nice red -not too dry- for the creating of a fine and friendly atmosphere all round. In fact, less 'ave a party! Yer all invited! My Lounge may have the decorators in, but it's still cosy and there's room for all.)

(Any excuse for a drink! I'm such a lush!)

Yours grinning manically

S.x

Within the galaxy...

2005-07-09T00:53:00.000-07:00

...there are the most interesting little things we've come to know as humans. Interestingly, I am one of them. Well, depending on who you ask. Anyway, sometimes you cross paths with a human and get a really good vibe from them. Perhaps you can't put your finger on the exact reason, but the feeling is there all the same. Well, when I first stumbled into Saturnyne's Lounge, I felt that he was one of those people. To be honest, I don't know him from anyone else, but he just has a way about him. He strikes me as a free spirit in many ways but has had something very difficult come to rest upon his shoulders of late. I just want to lend my support and maybe urge others to do the same. Just because we've never met does not make me care less. On the contrary, it reminds me that of all the people I've come across, he is one that has made an impression and it makes my concern more genuine. Knowing good people is wonderful, knowing when those good people are hurting or overwhelmed is rather upsetting. When the time is right, and things are at a comfortable place, The Saturnyne will rejoin the festivities. I know this because he has pictures of the galaxy on his blog... a map of sorts, seeking out his next person to cross paths with.

Sod's law-discuss

2005-07-01T03:59:00.000-07:00

In which the prisoner debates Murphy, and all his ramifications

I don't believe in things averaging out, somewhere in the world there is a force manipulating all those little things so that they turn out in the most irritating way, like bread always landing butter side down. Actually there's a scientific explanation for that. but try explaining this...

When i -like any dutiful son should- make tea for mater and pater (mom and dad to you yanks), i always, ALWAYS have the mugs in the wrong hands, so i have to perform a complicated swapping maneover to give each parent the correct tea. In all the times i have made the tea i have never once got them the right way round no matter how hard i try. Damn you Murphy.

and another thing. i'm reasonable tall, just about six foot, and yet at gigs ALL the tallest people elect to stand right in front of me and NOONE ELSE. i mean it, nobody. plus i'm always right in the path of ALL the people making their way to the bar or the lavatory, all of them, who then decide it's a good idea to try and get past me, or through me, despite the fact that in a crowded area someone of my size resembles a roadblock in a camo jacket. i despair of these people.

i'd accept these curious happenings if it sometimes went the other way, but it never does! gaaah. *frustration* there must be more examples of sod's law at work out there, share them with me!

Oh yeah... and this too

2005-06-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Mr Whiteley!

You jolly good egg, you!

Quite possibly one of the secret 36 Tzaddikim of the world.

I'm going to miss his awful puns.

Why is life so much like chess?

S.x

OI! You lot! Just cos i'm absent, doesn't mean you can laze around all day doin' nothin'!

2005-06-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

Back to work! Chop chop!

But just to get the ball rolling for you, i'll relate to you the incident that happened to me recently:

'twas a beautiful morning (Actually, it was more like mid-afternoon, and i'd been having a lovely and totally schmoozy lie-in) when i awakened to the sweet sounds of birds singing merrily and cheerily threw back my bedroom curtains to greet the day (Belatedly, obviously) and view my oh-so-glorious surroundings (My quaint cobbled back street and just beyond, through the equally quaint and retro Auschwitz style fencing, a truck-yard and factory)

Rubbing my sleepy eyes and peering out into the world, i quickly became aware that all was not right with the world as i knew it.

It had something to do with the hippo, i think.

The one wearing stripey pyjamas.

The one wearing stripey pyjamas and throwing the kind of postures only an alcoholic mime would attempt.

Looked a bit like this:

Hippo Bastard!

With instinctive lightning speed i reacted by letting my jaw drop in disbelief. Jeezy Chreezy!- What HAD i been drinking last night?!?! Was i now doomed to share my waking world being stalked by eccentric hippos?

But wait! The worst was yet to come! As the walking abomination made its way towards the factory interior (And god knows what its evil intentions would be inside) it stopped.

And looking straight at me... it waved.

I was confronted by a social impasse at that moment. Imean... how exactly does one wave at a hippo in pyjamas? Nonchalantly? Feyly? IS it even COOL to wave at such a thing? Also... what if it secretly knew i had no pants on? Or even guessed?

I did the only wise thing i could. I recoiled back into bed, with a sheepish grin on my face and checking my forehead for signs of a temperature.

S.x

The MotherShip needs to land... QUICKLY!

2005-06-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

And I don't mean with Bootsy Collins either...

Quick bitch here:

My neighbors on one side scream at each other daily and threaten to kill one another. And I mean serious threats. The police are usually there several times a week. The woman scares me. I would not be surprised to learn that she has killed in the past. They were (are?) also involved in illegal animal trade.

My neighbor on the other side was just outside screaming at passing cars. I shit you not. No provocation, other than alcohol, most likely. So his dog gets out and bellowing ensues. Yeah, smart dog, I'd avoid him, too. At least the dog didn't indicate that he got hit or anything. I'd have been calling the cops faster than the other neighbors could kill each other.

Why must I be surrounded by nutlicks!!!! GAH!!!!!! When is the mothership scheduled for arrival to take back these damned fools?!

I think I'm going to Saturnyne's to watch some English Telly! =)

Ok, I feel a little better now...

English Telly!

2005-06-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

I love English telly.

Where else can you get to see documentary programmes called "Bollocks To Cancer"?

(Which was bloody good! Didja see it? What?- Some of you are foreign and thus didn't? I sympathize. Well come visit! We all live in castles, too! Don't go wandering around all them tourist places, just come and watch telly with meee. If you bring the wine, i'll share my choccies and shnackies.

And swearing. Swearing for all the family! And vicious verbals on politicians. Or indeed anybody, for that matter. Plus random assaults to give you that added excitement between your transport and my castles drawbridge. How can you resist? How!?!)

And even the channels which are allowed adverts don't get more than one ad-break per half hour programme!

Bliss, when you think about it.

S.x

WOOOO! The Barbs!!!

2005-06-03T04:53:00.000-07:00

for more pics of the best kept secret in rock n roll, go here

Post It

2005-06-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

Imagining hands on velvet...

2005-05-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm cheating. Had to put this partial post/link here from my other blog. It opens July 15th in the States.

After seeing a 40 foot tall Burton-esque Wonka portrayed by the king of quirk himself, Johnny Depp, I'd best hope I don't slide off my seat during the show. Ahem...

Just check out the site for one second. Ok, maybe two... you know you want to. Besides... all the other kids are doing it. You wanna be cool like them, right?

And by the way... a lovely welcome to The Saturnyne! (That's one of the cool people I talked about... shhhh)

Magpie Rhyme (Alternative Saturnyne Re-mix)

2005-05-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

One for sorrow
Two for sorrow
Three for sorrow
Four for sorrow
Five for sorrow
Six for sorrow
Seven for... ahh bollocks, i'm tired of sorrow...

Let's party!

Learn New Skills!

This post was brought to you by The Saturnyne and quite possibly The Count,

but almost certainly included gin induced melancholia which lasted for a good five minutes.

Five minutes! I deserve awards!

S.

YASHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

Hokay so, lets have a cup of tea and discuss carrots. WRONG!!!

I declare it law of the eqok ruled future to call boys BOYS names. There was areally hot AFL player who totally lost all attractiveness when i found out his name was COURTNEY.

He was really cute and had blonde dreadlocks and all. :(

Also: depressing yourself by listening to a broken up bands live acts you NEVER GOT TO SEE is not healthy.Neither is watching End of the World to many times.

2005-05-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

he is one seriously messed up fellow at the moment is he not? poor ginger. especially since it may well mean the end of the wildhearts, again.

Fish on a roller-skate

2005-05-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

I would like to announce that Ginger, of the Wildhearts/Silver Ginger 5/ Solo/Lots more fame is God. If you have never heard any of his stuff, go find some now or I will kill something!! Possibly the universe. That Is All

Dan
For I am ?

well actually....

2005-05-24T00:40:00.000-07:00

i love oasis' new song and i think it definately deserved to go straight to number one like that.

all together now, HEEEEEEYY LYLA!

Something To Ponder

2005-05-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

I was on myspace the other day [when am i not?] when some random person mentioned U2. They felt that U2 produced some really good early stuff, but now they should just get over it, because the rest of the world is over it too. I feel that way about Oasis.

what do you guys think?

Aha!

2005-05-23T06:28:00.000-07:00

I need a helmet!

2005-05-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

Is there a time when it is ok to call it quits and just stop hoping anything positive can come of our human race? For all of the wonderful things we can supposedly do, I'm apparently viewing things lately from the 'short bus' line. Tiring. And disappointing.

My Cock Is Much Bigger Than Yours!

2005-05-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

-SOAD-NEW ALBUM-FUCKING AMAZING-FEATURES THE LYRICS-MY COCK IS MUCH BIGGER THAN YOURS-AND-GHONREAHH GORGONZOLA-!!-OR AS KERRANG PUT IT-YES FUCKING YES!-

Oh dear

2005-05-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

i have searched everywhere and have not found a website dedicated to cheese eating chickens.

the horror!! the whores!! the dismay!! the two exclamation marks!!

Whimsical Splendour

2005-05-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

Supercalifragalisticexpialidotious!
Fan-Dabbi- Dozi to see you all, I shall !£$%^&*(12456)(^(
Upgrade you all to admin, forthwith!
If anyone can make a better job of a layout, feel free, this one is shit.
Boogaloo!

Dan-I tell the voices inside my head what to do, and they push my brain out through my ears?

Janey 'ere!

2005-05-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

Okkkkk....cheers Dan for inviting me to join this blog....am I allowed to rant, bitch and slag right here? Right now?! Like about the chav scum bunnies lurking outside my study window in all their repellent dead head glory....?

2005-05-14T05:08:00.000-07:00

you're all nuts

Shall I print up invites?

2005-05-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

So I get this invitation of sorts to let the festering insanity out of my head and have it collect in this nice little blog of horrors... how could I say no to that?!

Might get deep, senseless, angry, or downright creepy... but then again, I suppose that is why I was asked to add my two cents here.

I iz noww an ofishull kuntribyutorr! =)

2005-05-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2005-05-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

2005-05-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

This Is A Test

2005-03-17T07:54:00.000-08:00

testing testing 1,3,7