Have you ever wondered...

...just how far you have to go to completely spell things out for some people?!

Sometimes I start off giving them an iota of credit for possibly having a brain - no clue. Then I start in with subtlety - no clue. When I start dropping pretty direct hints, it makes for an ever-so-slight turn of this head; kind of like the quizzical look a dog might give you just way less cute. Next stop - I completely lay it all out. And what do I get? Come on, you can at least guess... that's right... abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Nothing. Not one damned thing. So I give people a little time to stick their head in the sand and digest what I've said. Cool - I'm impatient but I know everyone has different rates at which they respond...

So here's what I'm thinking... just a little more time and then out comes the heavy artillery. Know this now, I will level your ass before you even realize that I've opened my mouth. My words will no doubt leave you shuddering alone in the corner, whimpering, wetting your pants and mumbling something about your mother and cookies for a bake sale and how you never really meant to kick the dog that one day. And I will stand there, above you, feeling bad for what could have been but only looking down on what never should have been.

Just when you think I've cleared my head enough to speak with sense or kindness you'll learn that the momentary silence was due to my subconscious summoning all the things you've ever told me. Things that will now have their essence brutally wrung from them, twisted, sharpened into deadly arrows, and placed in the bows that are my lips... You will be wounded. I do not try to do this, it just happens. I take no pride in it; it just is.

It's very easily prevented, though... just fucking talk to me; no more avoidance. That is all I've ever asked yet it always seems to be too much.
(This is just some general feelings, not a dedication...no one need wonder.)

I think I'm scared now..

Mooching through blogger as you do I came across Crusher's blog...

I'm not sure whether to laugh or pee my pants...

Goodnight From Him

Link

What a damn bloody shame, though i did think he looked pretty ill when they did the two ronnies earlier this year.

Under NO circumstances...

...should I be left to my own devices.

Disclaimer: If you don't want to hear me bitch for about a minute and a half, don't read.

I was fine up until about 20 minutes ago. I mean, I'm sick, worked three hours over and am tired as all hell. Not to mention that it feels like someone did CPR chest compressions on me while I wasn't paying attention. Aside from that, I was doing alright...

So I drift off a bit and all of a sudden. SLAM! People suck. Give me a good three minutes with myself and I'll come up with 20 different reasons why every person, task, scenario, situation, etc., I know completely and utterly sucks. I was in a room here, by myself... what happened? It's the slightest things, I tell you. Things that aren't really even 'things'; not deserving of such a reaction.

Oh well, fuck it. Most likely I'll be fine by tomorrow. Still sick and all, but this crappy-ass Insta-Gloom that just descended should be gone. (Deep breath...Cough*sputter*coughcoughcough... Ok, not a good idea.)

And I met a very sweet guy on rounds in the psych ward today. He wanted me to shave his head. Ok, the point that he can look at me and NOT identify 'LiVEwiRe with a blade' as a threat is diagnosis enough for whatever his current visit happens to be. He gave me a hug and told me he'd see me tomorrow; damn he was happy. Honestly, I do hope I see him tomorrow - he was such a friendly man.

Damnit! Now this warm fuzzy (albeit slightly psychotic) feeling is battling with the previous Insta-Gloom session. GAH!

Christ - will someone up my lithium dose again?! I'll be ok soon. Really. Just tell me where the little blue pills are.