Oh yeah... and this too

Goodbye Mr Whiteley!

You jolly good egg, you!

Quite possibly one of the secret 36 Tzaddikim of the world.

I'm going to miss his awful puns.

Why is life so much like chess?

S.x

OI! You lot! Just cos i'm absent, doesn't mean you can laze around all day doin' nothin'!

Back to work! Chop chop!

But just to get the ball rolling for you, i'll relate to you the incident that happened to me recently:

'twas a beautiful morning (Actually, it was more like mid-afternoon, and i'd been having a lovely and totally schmoozy lie-in) when i awakened to the sweet sounds of birds singing merrily and cheerily threw back my bedroom curtains to greet the day (Belatedly, obviously) and view my oh-so-glorious surroundings (My quaint cobbled back street and just beyond, through the equally quaint and retro Auschwitz style fencing, a truck-yard and factory)

Rubbing my sleepy eyes and peering out into the world, i quickly became aware that all was not right with the world as i knew it.

It had something to do with the hippo, i think.

The one wearing stripey pyjamas.

The one wearing stripey pyjamas and throwing the kind of postures only an alcoholic mime would attempt.

Looked a bit like this:


Hippo Bastard!

With instinctive lightning speed i reacted by letting my jaw drop in disbelief. Jeezy Chreezy!- What HAD i been drinking last night?!?! Was i now doomed to share my waking world being stalked by eccentric hippos?

But wait! The worst was yet to come! As the walking abomination made its way towards the factory interior (And god knows what its evil intentions would be inside) it stopped.

And looking straight at me... it waved.

I was confronted by a social impasse at that moment. Imean... how exactly does one wave at a hippo in pyjamas? Nonchalantly? Feyly? IS it even COOL to wave at such a thing? Also... what if it secretly knew i had no pants on? Or even guessed?

I did the only wise thing i could. I recoiled back into bed, with a sheepish grin on my face and checking my forehead for signs of a temperature.

S.x

The MotherShip needs to land... QUICKLY!

And I don't mean with Bootsy Collins either...

Quick bitch here:

My neighbors on one side scream at each other daily and threaten to kill one another. And I mean serious threats. The police are usually there several times a week. The woman scares me. I would not be surprised to learn that she has killed in the past. They were (are?) also involved in illegal animal trade.

My neighbor on the other side was just outside screaming at passing cars. I shit you not. No provocation, other than alcohol, most likely. So his dog gets out and bellowing ensues. Yeah, smart dog, I'd avoid him, too. At least the dog didn't indicate that he got hit or anything. I'd have been calling the cops faster than the other neighbors could kill each other.

Why must I be surrounded by nutlicks!!!! GAH!!!!!! When is the mothership scheduled for arrival to take back these damned fools?!

I think I'm going to Saturnyne's to watch some English Telly! =)


Ok, I feel a little better now...

English Telly!

I love English telly.

Where else can you get to see documentary programmes called "Bollocks To Cancer"?

(Which was bloody good! Didja see it? What?- Some of you are foreign and thus didn't? I sympathize. Well come visit! We all live in castles, too! Don't go wandering around all them tourist places, just come and watch telly with meee. If you bring the wine, i'll share my choccies and shnackies.

And swearing. Swearing for all the family! And vicious verbals on politicians. Or indeed anybody, for that matter. Plus random assaults to give you that added excitement between your transport and my castles drawbridge. How can you resist? How!?!)

And even the channels which are allowed adverts don't get more than one ad-break per half hour programme!

Bliss, when you think about it.

S.x

WOOOO! The Barbs!!!

for more pics of the best kept secret in rock n roll, go here

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